my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
