i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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