ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize