I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
