No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
