Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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