haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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