Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
