dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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