i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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