it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
