P.S. I can't hear my feet
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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