I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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