Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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