Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize