Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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