party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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