is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
