I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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