Redeem this text for a blowjob
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I came so hard my ears popped.
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