Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
