wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
