I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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