I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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