my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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