apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
