I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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