doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
