she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
bring money and cleavage
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
