Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
