so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You don't make any sense
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