Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
