This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
