Nicole vs. Life
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
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Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
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He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively