she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one