so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
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I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen