We won't sleep together?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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