my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's official drugs can't kill me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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