After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
