honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
