jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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