You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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