i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
