Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
