I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
