Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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