I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
