he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
