ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
