Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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