I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
