ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
