My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
