I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just found a bag of teeth...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
