I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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