There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
