we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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