guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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