White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
