You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
