woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you never un-have a 4some
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
