I'm jealous of your bromance
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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