Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
