it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
