so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
