There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
