im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
