In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize