We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
